T is married with two children and on the one hand I think I wish that I’d never met him, but that wouldn’t be entirely true. his son is in hospital with a cough and since his wife and children and family were all visiting him last weekend he’s gone quiet.
I don’t know what to think or feel anymore; I keep careening between numbness and subdued angst over how stupid this whole situation is.
I was in London last week and I had an all-mighty panic attack, the worst since my major ~meltdown~ in 2012 where my dad and my aunt had to rescue me. this time I was alone in Knightsbridge and poor popsicle is too ill to even help himself now so I was completely alone. ended up tucked away in a churchyard somewhere sobbing. it was terrifying. eventually managed to get a cab back to euston station and the train from there to where I was staying.
fuuuuuuuuck me it’s impossible for things to remain uncomplicated for long